Silence is Golden

I'm sitting in a quiet kitchen with snoring dogs at my feet. Staring out the back window into the overgrown green that is our yard. The sugar maple has turned and the leaves look like flames. The apple tree branches are bending under the weight of our underappreciated apples. I keep asking the kids if they want to bake a pie with our very own apples but they all insist they don't like pie. (Maybe they are aliens) Do they not know about Pie Heaven?

Iron and Wine is downloading onto my phone as I type, and their melancholy sound combined with the changing season outside is making me feel reflective. The kids are off at their groovy little school, DTM is in New York, and I'm alone. There are approximately 237 things I could be doing beside staring out the window. I could do any number of domestic chores, I could unpack the china, I could clean up the breakfast dishes, I could go to yoga. I could get in a car and drive north for hours. I could get a job.

The odd thing about choosing domesticity and motherhood as your career is that when your children are babies, you are so busy you can't even think. You rock & sing, and wipe fannies. You stroll up and down the sidewalks hoping to speak with another adult. You don't even care what types of inane things you discuss. You can find yourself talking about the "pacifier fairy" and infant constipation.

And then when they are all in school...you breathe a sigh of relief that you've made it this far. But now it's the silence you crave. They can all converse now. And they have opinions. And, the great irony is, if you are doing your job well then they feel free to differ in their opinions from yours. They have agendas, ideas, and commitments. So now you aren't tucking in and kissing boo boos, you are driving and reminding and facilitating the accomplishments of somewhat independently thinking people. For those few hours that they're in school, the silence is golden.

I think I'll sit here just a little while longer savoring the silence. I hope you have a little time for peace today too.